Thursday, February 26, 2009
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Wad do you tink of when you look at this picture?

Well, the cat in the picture is preparing for its next attack. It looks wary of its surroundings. It looks suspicious. It looks like it will probably attack soon in order to survive. Thats what I see in my office right now.

Kinda felt sian by the situation in the office now. Yes, there are some of us obviously overloaded wif work and some who r absoultely free wif nth much to do on hand. In short, the job allocation is not balanced out at all. Can I say that there is bais-ness involved and many hidden agendas? Till yesterday, I found out the reason why VVV accounts cum payroll was transferred out of my sup's care. Tings apparently aren't as simple as they look and I dun c a need for such tings to occur. Heard alot and feeling weary and wary. Some jobs allocations are written for show to make my colleague's portfolio look good. In actual fact, tings isn't wad they appear to be.

Unhappiness arise. A competitor is spotted. My colleague actually told mi she's not going to share the info or do a proper handover. To her, since her competitor is so highly thought of, so let it be, let her figure out herself. Hais..I am affected cuz I am the one doing this job, and her competitor reviewing my work. Survival, as she puts it.

Felt sian since the time I told my manager about my deadlines clashing and yet noting done to smoothen tings out. Noting at all. Its pretty obvious who is overloaded and who is not. But yet, noting is done.

Today, surprisingly, manager called my fone to enquire about my client's stuff. Then, he came to my desk to pass mi back the work he had reviewed. In the past, he would go to my sup for enquiries or passing her the files and work. Today, obviously there is a change in attitude.

Kinda sick of office politics. Kinda sick of the fake world. Kinda sick of people stepping over each other's toes. Thank you for tinking so highly of me, thank you for loading mi wif lots of work, but I do noe my limits and capacity. I am tired. I am sick of hearing tings like, "be careful of so and so. Tings arent so simple".

*Thanks last night for keeping your promise. Thanks for everyting and for making my day :) *

1:39 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Wednesday, February 25, 2009
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Yesterday was feeling reali down and redundant. Felt all alone though "physically" there were people around. Was upset and wanted to be alone for a while till you came online and brightened up my day. :) I guess this picture could describe how I felt yesterday night. Finally, you werent that cold to mi and even gave mi some updates before retiring to bed as you werent feeling well.

Hope you are feeling better today oredi. :) Cant wait for the day to end!

1:26 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Tuesday, February 24, 2009
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终于发现这一切

没有你什么感觉都没有

现在的你跑到哪一边

离开这个小房间

独自一个人走远点

想念.....

找不到你

找不到自己

什么时候你才了解

我的心一直在你那边

我舍不得这样就看不见

我好想从前

不要一个人独自的埋怨

我舍不得希望很快

就会回到从前

我不希望这一切

是昨天。。

10:42 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Saturday, February 21, 2009
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YJ bought this watch for mi the other day cuz I was complaining my watch's time kept delaying. He was 80% sure I would like this watch and couldnt wait to show it to mi. Yes, I do like it cuz it sparkles and gleams! Thanks :)

Yesterday night YJ went to attend his company's annual dinner, determined to win a TV set back. Haha. But there was no TV set as prize yesterday. The best was a labtop. Aniwae, he got the 35th Prize - S$80.00 gift voucher from Takashimaya. He asked mi to go Taka to spend that $80.00 gift voucher. Then I thought of buying a perfume. Den and Jade thought it was a good idea, haha..so tadah, I went there with the mindset to buy a perfume!

Passed by branded perfumes and thought I should pamper myself once in a while. How about a Guess perfume? =X Asked for the price, and it cost S$79.00. Juz nice. I noe though, that this perfume would cost cheaper elsewhere, but dunch care la, aniwae free, so bought it. =D Nice~ Smells Expensive. F3. Spent it in juz 5 minutes!

Bought 2 stickers for my ezlink card. Hehee..cute rite? =X i love piglet!

Then, we went for lunch. Takashimaya is as crowded as ever. Sheesh. Today someone sort of snatched the table we were waiting at. Before we could go sit, someone came along and signalled to someone else to come sit there. I juz glared at the person. It's obvious we were waiting for the table okay! GRRR. *GLARES HARD* then the woman saw. LOL. She faster ask us go sit there too, WITH THEM. =.= I was clearly bu shuang all the way till they left. YJ said I looked like I wanted to go stab them. LOL.Dunch care la..dun step on mi!

Duno y nowadaes I feel so sleepy and tired, no matter how much I slept. Went to YJ's house and slept for hours again. YJ's father had wanted to buy 9909 for some reason (4D number). But in the end, he din buy. Now he felt the pinch in the heart, cuz that number came out 2nd prize! T_T Aww..=X

Aniwae..I guess that's all for today bah..

*I stubbornly still insist to believe on wad I wish to believe in. In the night, I am myself. In the night, I feel the loneliness. I am sorry I still havent found the courage and determination to set you free.*

[[1 :18 AM ]]

11:59 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Wednesday, February 18, 2009
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想开体谅我已经习惯;
不然又能怎样?
我跌跌撞撞 ;
在这迷宫一直打转;
死心失望会比较简单;
却又舍不得不甘心。

Kinda had a bad feeling that I will c something I dun wan to c. You made your first step and broke the first and easier barrier last night..right infront of my eyes, you appearing offline as usual. Second barrier you have left it undone. Thats cuz you do not have enough to accomplish your goal yet. And I noe, it's onli a matter of time that the second barrier will be broken too. But yet, I kept hoping that tings will not turn out the wae I predict. I defended and I fought back. I refused to listen tings I dislike to hear. Call mi stubborn. I just want the good memories to remain. But why does it seem like I am the onli one feeling sad? Why isit that you are so insistent as ever and no one can change your mind? Why isit I have no say at all? You asked for help so that you can accomplish the second. I felt like I am forcing you..Since you feel happier that way, wad else can I do or say? Congrats, you will gain back your freedom very soon. No matter how much I refuse to do it, I guess it will make you feel less stress. So you do not need to appear offline to avoid me, if thats wad you intend to do. Guess you will feel happier that way, afterall, one person suffer is much better than 2 people suffering in sadness and anguish bah? =] You are freed.

Couldnt sleep last night. Din wan to sleep until I reali couldnt stand it animore. Confided in an acquaintence who within about less than 2 hours, I felt like I need not say ani much more. Without saying aniting, he knows exactly how I am feeling, the stages I am going through and the thoughts running through my mind. I can safely say that within this short period of time, he noes mi much better than ani friens I could have known for years. He told mi his story too. His ex gf, I am surprised, seems to be my exact clone. Every event happening or to happen, every feelings and thoughts, every personality traits that I have or is going through, she is undergoing the exact same ting. I never expected such a very exact mirror reflection. I tink if we noe each other, we would probably end up being the best of friens. But she is so much luckier than mi in a way I guess.

On the wae home kept repeating a song again and again. Flashbacks keep running through my mind. I felt like a fool. To mi, I felt like everyone around mi are luffing at mi, pointing their fingers at mi and behind my back, they are saying," wad a big fool you are ". It seems to mi, like everyone noes something that I dun. Or perhaps something that I noe, but refusing to realise it. Daggers kept piercing through. Why isit that I dun feel happy at all?

My confidante left mi these sentences last night. " Nobody can stop you from making your decisions. Do wad you want to do as long as they make you happy. People can say this and that, but only you know what truly makes you happy. Most importantly, dun regret your decisions "

Having said all these, I tink I have alot to tink about. I am tired of smiling infront of others when I am not okay at all.

And to you, (you know who you are) thanks for your advice two days ago, no matter how much I refuse to let it sink into my head. You ahould noe by now how I hate to listen to tings I dun wish to listen. I refused to let those words go in. Havent been talking to you for two days oredi. Blame it on my stubborn trait..Sorry for feeling worthless.

7:27 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Monday, February 16, 2009
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Wanted to check if my results have arrived in my inbox..but it has not. Then started to read back on the past emails sent by you, read back on the previous tags you left in my previous blogs. Felt a surge of sadness that I had alwiz tried to hide. Wish we could still communicate like the last time..I dislike the distance felt... :( Hardly got to talk to you these days.. [1:09 pm ]

Finally..my colleague suddenly told mi results were out. After a night of impatient waiting and morning continuous checks on my inbox, I ..... passed! =] Remembered last time when you knew I was going to get my results, you were there encouraging mi, and till I got it, I remembered the disappointment you tried to hide when I did not make it..Duno if you still bothered, like last time, or whether you do read my blog, juz wanna let you know I passed! ;) Wishing I could share this news wif you immediately... And hope you r feeling better oredi. Hope to talk to u soon.. :(

10:26 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Saturday, February 14, 2009
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Today's February the 14th ~ Valentine's Day. Has cupid struck you yet? =X

Yesterday after work, met up wif YJ for dinner at a restaurant. Onli ate fried rice wif crab meat and it oredi cost us 31 dollars. And we were still not full yet as we shared that plate of rice. Then wanted to sing Karaoke, but all fully booked. So bobian, went to eat satay and oyster-prawn omellete :) There was a cd shop nearby and it was playing songs that I din hear for a very long time. Cuz I din hear them for a very long time, they sounded nice. Practially singing to the music, and even passerbys were seen mime-ing the lyrics too! After eating, we went to the cd shop to take a look and I saw this cute sign: " WIN A FREE TRIP IN A POLICE CAR BY SHOPLIFTING FROM THIS STORE. " Lmao.

Today din feel like going aniwhere. Not feeling well but it was Vday! :( Plain sway. Ate a panadol, applied oil on my stomach, and tried hard to sleep which I did so eventually, thank goodness. Woke up feeling better but Vday was as good as three quarters gone.

Sorry about today, but thanks for being so sweet. :)

Today's a day that either people will be happy or people will hate bah. Read the new paper today and thought today's paper was interesting. Many heartwarming stories and wishes. There was this bride to be who got hit by a lorry and fell into a coma, and hasnt woken up yet, juz hours before going for the solemnization. Hope she wakes up soon. Pity her husband who is there by her bedside everyday in tears, waiting for her to open her eyes.

Read oso another article about this guy trying to find the girl he saw on the bus in January. He had set up a website finding for this girl and tomorrow, he will hit the straits times again. Wondered if he found her? I guess chances are slim. Probably the girl oredi has a bf?

Vday. U again said I changed..but couldnt seem to tell mi how so I have? But felt comforted though that you onlined still, though I could feel the distance and the coldness you seem to put accross. Asked 4 friens if I changed since they last knew me. 1 said I changed, cuz I no longer tell him when I am going to afk or online in the game. 2 said I din, I am still the same. Another said I changed as in I talked less to her, became less friendly in a sense, and less chatty recently. Sorry if I neglected you. Had been very busy at work and very tired when I reach home. My moods were seriously in highs and lows..ups and downs..When I dun feel happy, I tend to keep silent. Sometimes I am juz so tired I lie flat on my bed until hours later when it suddenly dawned on mi my labtop was still on. So sry if I din reply ani of you.

Physically and mentally drained. Looking back at my fotos of my younger days, I start to miss my primary school, secondary school and poly mates, at least those who were once my close buddies. And I miss the person who said I changed too but I am glad I managed to talk to you today, still. Hope your fever subsides soon. Take plenty or rest and drink lots of water.

Aniwae, last but not least, happy Vday all..

5:57 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Thursday, February 12, 2009
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It has been getting crazier these days for mi. Work seems to be getting heavier and I am afraid I cant take it animore. I feel like I am already at my maximum. My mind is too tired to tink animore. It keeps spinning, my headache keeps poking mi at one corner of my head, but I still nid to force myself to try to finish as much as possible, if not, I can onli say I am as good as dead for not being able to meet the deadlines. Extremely tired..

Almost my whole team has been staying back these days, practially trying to finish up the stupid work in our portfolios while other people have oredi gone home to shake their legs. And it is alwiz the same few of us who leave the office last. Yesterday had been crazy. Worked till 9:40 pm in the office. Cabbed home and juz reached home, surprisingly I received an sms from my supervisor who asked mi if I am still in the office doing my work and wad is the progress like. So I updated her, telling her I havent finish my work and wad tings are still left undone. Her sms reply actually read," I will help you do up some schedules tmr morning..Have a good rest." One word," Touched ". Cuz she actually bothered about my progress though this job is already no longer under her care and has juz been transferred to my senior to take care of it. And she bothers to help mi at least when she sees mi struggling, and I guess, oso cuz she has the capacity. And she actually did today, she finished up almost all the schedules for mi today, left one more to go. When I told people this, they said I am easily touched. =.= Perhaps. Small gestures like this reali makes mi feel happy.

Today ot-ed as well. YJ waited for mi to finish work. Told him I still need to finish up some work first, and he actually said he would wait for mi downstairs and throughout, he did not even call mi to chase mi to hurry up and finish my work and I am reali grateful. I was rushing, trying to finish up the journal entries keying in. Dead beat and I feel giddy. Having the migrane and totally "lifeless". Finally finished the data entries and it was oredi 7:35pm. Packed my tings and hurriedly rushed downstairs. He had oredi waited for mi for more than one and a half hours. Needless to say, I felt apologetic and touched. :) And thanks for the 2009 calendar..

Super glad it's Friday tomorrow. Cant wait for the day to end later, when it havent even started. I need a break. Break from work..and break from heartaches..Phobia. *Closes eyes* Hope I never get to c wad I dun wish to c happening. So far it hasnt and I hope it wun.

Read on Den's blog that he is going on a cruise this Sunday. Hope he enjoys himself. I wish I can go on one too..haha..but probably I will onli end up seasick, juz like the last time when I was on board one.

[[ 12:32 am ]]

11:59 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Sunday, February 8, 2009
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I kept tinking about the dream I made a few days back. Din dream for quite some time oredi, so was tinking perhaps this dream has some hidden meanings. I guess I can onli conclude, I am running away from myself..running away from reality..but thankfully, I got out of it in the end..yet someone else, is still stuck, and never got out of it. Shouldnt I be the one devoured instead? At least that's how I feel now.

I wish I can run away from everyting. Throw down everyting and disappear. But I noe, I will juz be running away from my responsibilities and running away from myself.

Time and time again I noe this was going to happen, noe that this was going to surface again some day..haha..and true enuf, it did today. Shouldn't I be strong enuf by now? Shouldn't I have gotten used to this oredi? But why am I alwiz left wif no choices at all? Why dun I have any say at all? Why why why and why? I wish there are answers to my questions.

Tinking about today and tmr's work totally pulled my moods down. Gonna remove the "thick layer of makeup" and go to bed soon..I feel stranded..I feel tired. (2:08 am)

11:59 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena

Saturday, February 7, 2009
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Was escaping from somebody together wif Dazey a few days ago..managed to unlock a door, and we rushed in. Then I realised we were in a place full of tigers and lions, there were some on the trees, some on the ground! They looked at us, and all I remembered, was I immediately asked my sis to run back to the door and I following behind her. Managed to lock the door and heave a sigh of relief. Then at that moment, I saw through the glass window, a man running for his dear life in the place full of tigers and lions, but he did not make it out alive. The hungry animals devoured him alive. Then I woke up. Couldnt find the dream interpretation :( Guess I was too tired and stressed..

Wednesday was OT day for mi..

Thursday 6pm was our company CNY dinner, held in a restaurant near our office. Lo Hei, followed by the predictable boring dishes that even my mum can guess correctly in order. Dinner ended at about 8pm and we made our wae back home, while some colleagues went back to the office to rush their work.

Yesterday I had planned to finish my payroll work, so that I can concentrate fully on my accounts jobs when my senior returns on Monday..but haiz..my plan was spoilt. 11:30am we had the monthly birthday celebration, ate cake, ate the food bought for the celebration. And of cuz lo hei again.. x.x" The cake was nice! Chocolate + minty =D Auditors kept ringing my fone asking questions and this and that. Normally if my senior was around, she would be the one handling this, as she is more familiar wif the work, since I onli started doing it about 3 -4 months back. And duno y, they were asking questions about 2007! x.x" Haiz..in fact i din even noe wad I did for the whole day..I din seem to do alot..there were so much interruptions! T.T I wonder how terrible next week will be..everything is urgent..Haiz..

And time reali flies very fast..it was our vacation trainee, KH's last day in our office yesterday..Haiz..I hate partings...he bought us cakes from emicakes. Nice! He gave mi the durian + chocolate flavour cake. Love it..After giving us the cakes, he left the office.. :( I will miss the times when there is someone to lend mi a helping hand when I nid one..I will miss his smiles..next vacation trainee will be in onli in March..it seems like onli a while back when KS left us..now KH has left us..*sighs*

After work went to c exhibition wif YJ at Suntec. :) And signed a package....

1:15 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena