Wednesday, February 18, 2009
_______________________________________

想开体谅我已经习惯;
不然又能怎样?
我跌跌撞撞 ;
在这迷宫一直打转;
死心失望会比较简单;
却又舍不得不甘心。

Kinda had a bad feeling that I will c something I dun wan to c. You made your first step and broke the first and easier barrier last night..right infront of my eyes, you appearing offline as usual. Second barrier you have left it undone. Thats cuz you do not have enough to accomplish your goal yet. And I noe, it's onli a matter of time that the second barrier will be broken too. But yet, I kept hoping that tings will not turn out the wae I predict. I defended and I fought back. I refused to listen tings I dislike to hear. Call mi stubborn. I just want the good memories to remain. But why does it seem like I am the onli one feeling sad? Why isit that you are so insistent as ever and no one can change your mind? Why isit I have no say at all? You asked for help so that you can accomplish the second. I felt like I am forcing you..Since you feel happier that way, wad else can I do or say? Congrats, you will gain back your freedom very soon. No matter how much I refuse to do it, I guess it will make you feel less stress. So you do not need to appear offline to avoid me, if thats wad you intend to do. Guess you will feel happier that way, afterall, one person suffer is much better than 2 people suffering in sadness and anguish bah? =] You are freed.

Couldnt sleep last night. Din wan to sleep until I reali couldnt stand it animore. Confided in an acquaintence who within about less than 2 hours, I felt like I need not say ani much more. Without saying aniting, he knows exactly how I am feeling, the stages I am going through and the thoughts running through my mind. I can safely say that within this short period of time, he noes mi much better than ani friens I could have known for years. He told mi his story too. His ex gf, I am surprised, seems to be my exact clone. Every event happening or to happen, every feelings and thoughts, every personality traits that I have or is going through, she is undergoing the exact same ting. I never expected such a very exact mirror reflection. I tink if we noe each other, we would probably end up being the best of friens. But she is so much luckier than mi in a way I guess.

On the wae home kept repeating a song again and again. Flashbacks keep running through my mind. I felt like a fool. To mi, I felt like everyone around mi are luffing at mi, pointing their fingers at mi and behind my back, they are saying," wad a big fool you are ". It seems to mi, like everyone noes something that I dun. Or perhaps something that I noe, but refusing to realise it. Daggers kept piercing through. Why isit that I dun feel happy at all?

My confidante left mi these sentences last night. " Nobody can stop you from making your decisions. Do wad you want to do as long as they make you happy. People can say this and that, but only you know what truly makes you happy. Most importantly, dun regret your decisions "

Having said all these, I tink I have alot to tink about. I am tired of smiling infront of others when I am not okay at all.

And to you, (you know who you are) thanks for your advice two days ago, no matter how much I refuse to let it sink into my head. You ahould noe by now how I hate to listen to tings I dun wish to listen. I refused to let those words go in. Havent been talking to you for two days oredi. Blame it on my stubborn trait..Sorry for feeling worthless.

7:27 PM

The Unique Individual~ Serena